Penn Street vs Batchworth CC

Penn Street CC 282-3 dec (D. Adams 102*, P. Jupp 100, S. Martin 43)

beat

Batchworth CC 124 ao

by 158 runs

Isn’t it typical? You wait all month for a timed game to come along and then two arrive in quick succession. And you wait all month for some rain and then it decides to arrive on the morning of the game. The upshot? A delayed start, a groundsman eating soup and way too much talk about Spurs having won a game of football for the first time since WG was a nipper (or something).

When proceedings did eventually get underway, PSCC skipper Sam Martin found himself being asked to bat, despite only having one opening bat in the team. Bravely – and because no-one else was offering to do it – he elected to face the new ball himself, whilst Pete Jupp watched stoically from the other end.

Stoicism and resilience were indeed needed, as the Batchworth opening bowlers both bowled short, testing spells on a difficult drying pitch. At one rate the run rate was below one an over, although ‘Fiddy’ Martin quickly rectified this when the change bowlers came on, crashing the first boundary of the innings through point and then booming a drive over cover a couple of balls later. Thus unshackled, the pair helped themselves to the bad balls that were offered, whilst sensibly keeping out the good ones. It was something of a surprise when, with the score on 70, Fiddy spooned a catch to point.

If Batchworth thought that this was going to improve matters, they were mistaken. Dave Adams arrived as the new batter, allowed himself a few sighters and then began pummelling the ball around the ground again. At the other end Jupp was still playing sensibly. His fifty came up off 64 balls and was followed a few minutes later by Adams reaching his own milestone off just 35 deliveries.

The pair went remorselessly onwards. Jupp brought up his hundred, his second fifty taking just 18 balls – one of which was a very close LBW shout. He then unselfishly retired to give Ben ‘Strangler’ Marlow a bat. He proved an excellent foil for Adams before once again throttling himself, swinging hard and missing a straight ball. It mattered not, for Adams simply bashed his way to the second century of the innings, at which point the declaration came with the score on 282-3.

At this point it is only fair to mention the Batchworth side, who despite the blows being rained upon them never once faltered, the bowlers continued to try their hardest, they fielded like demons and only one, difficult, chance was put down. On another day they may have had many more wickets. They just happened to run into 2½ of Penn Street’s finest at the very top of their games.

The skies darkened during the tea interval, so the captains decreed that the best thing would be for everyone to give themselves indigestion and to get back to work as quickly as possible. The Secretary eyed his abandoned cheese sandwich ruefully, and waved a fond farewell to an uneaten samosa.

They say that your opening bowlers should be a pair who complement one another and yet are very different. You certainly cannot get much more different than Caitlin ‘CMAC’ Macken and Sam ‘The Human Wombat’ Saunders. This was not good news for Batchworth’s batters. CMAC usually takes a while to find her rhythm but this time, no doubt due to the pre-game workout with the hair straighteners, she was bang on the money from the start. The final ball of her opening over comprehensively bowled Daniyal, and Penn Street were off.

New batter Khalid didn’t find CMAC any easier to get away than his predecessor had done, but finally nailed a pull shot on the sixth attempt. The ball appeared to be screaming to the mid-wicket boundary when, out of nowhere, came the Strangler, flying through the air like a South London Superman to pull off a remarkable one-handed catch. Cricket has been played at Penn Street for nigh on 150 years and there simply cannot have been many better catches than this one.

Batchworth’s hopes now rested on Rana and captain Zain. It was therefore something of a surprise when Rana, after his earlier fireworks, tamely dolloped the second ball of the Wombat’s next over to mid-wicket, where the Strangler took a far more mundane catch.

Archer ‘Boss Baby’ White was introduced from the Pub End and, despite being told that Mrs O’Hagan wasn’t scoring today, still decided that he needed to bowl a few wides to liven everyone up. Or was it a cunning plan? New bat Bilal was surprised by a straight delivery and comprehensively bowled, leaving Batchworth at 28-4.

Prior to this, Fiddy had uttered the phrase every Penn Streeter dreads to hear: “Secretary! Next over at the Wood End”. There were mutterings from the crowd. “He does know we only scored 282, doesn’t he?”.

True to form, the Secretary began with a ball so wide it barely landed in Buckinghamshire, let alone on the pitch. Baffled, Rehan calmly dinked the next ball straight into the hands of Adams at mid-off. Ibrahim then languidly smote his third ball in the direction of the wood. Unfortunately for him, Adams had realised that he had been fielding in totally the wrong place for the Secretary and, unable to stand actually in the trees, was loitering on the boundary, where he pouched the catch. Cue unusual scenes from the crowd, where it had become known that 100 batters had been generous/gormless enough to donate their wickets to the Secretary.

Israr now joined Zain in what was Batchworth’s best partnership of the day. He quite rightly hit the Secretary for six over cow corner that was so big, the ball is probably still heading towards Hazlemere. However, when the Secretary somehow crocked himself chasing a ball to the boundary, Fiddy decreed that it was time for Proper Bowling.

Nick Loftus and Matt ‘Bagpuss’ Hewlett have (checks notes) 447 Penn Street wickets between them. This makes them (checks maths) almost 4½ times better at this cricket lark than The Secretary. Despite this, the Batchworth batters bravely resisted them, picked up runs where they could and even surviving an excellent, hostile, spell from Rocco Jupp as well. They had strung together an excellent 60 run partnership that was dragging Batchworth back into the game before a bizarre piece of misfortune befell them, a Bagpuss ball somehow rebounding from Isfar’s body onto the stumps.

From there the end came fairly rapidly for Batchworth. The other Bilal lobbed a Wombat ball to Loftus at mid-on. Zain, who had danced down the wicket to roughly three-quarters of the balls he had faced, decided to stay home for one and chopped it into the waiting paws of Bagpuss, and whilst last pair Hanan and Matt battled valiantly, they could not deny Treasurer Loftus forever and the latter edged into the grateful gloves of Fiddy to bring the game to an end.

PSCC: Sam Martin (c & wk), Pete Jupp, Dave Adams, Ben Marlow, Rocco Jupp, Nick Loftus, Sam Saunders, Matt Hewlett, Archer White, Caitlin Macken, The Secretary. Umpire: David Lander Scorer: Cally Sutherland